My friend, Jaime

I want you to meet my friend, Jaime. I mean, I seriously want you to meet her. Your life will be blessed by her in ways that I cannot explain. And not just when you're around her. She'll move away and for the next several years you'll only continue to realize how amazing she is and kick yourself for not getting to know her better while you were in the same state. Trust me. I speak these things from experience. Jaime is probably blushing now, so I should move on.

Let me tell you what I love about my friend Jaime. Are you ready for this??? She believes God. I mean, she doesn't just beleive in God. She BELIEVES God. She takes Him at His Word. She obeys Him in complete and full anticipation of His blessings. I know, I know... many of us think, "Well, I kinda do that, too." No you don't. I mean, you try like I do... but we fall seriously short. I honestly never thought that anyone could follow so hard after Christ, believing Him, trusting Him, relying on Him the way my friend Jaime does. We tend to love God and follow Him but when we find ourselves in the middle of a tantrum because things didn't go our way, we pat each other on the back and say, "It's ok. You're only human." I used to think that way ok. But I don't anymore. Not since God introduced me to Jaime. So let me introduce her to you...

Jaime is the mother of 3 beautiful little boys... Micah (9), Noah (6), Isaac (11months) and the wife (for 12 yrs) of Jason. Jason recently left for his 3rd deployment. I have much to tell you about that, but first I want to tell you what drew my heart to Jaime in the first place. Jaime loves God's Word. I mean, she LOOOOOOOOVES it! She says it is "essential to every area of my life." She goes much farther than reading Scriptures... she memorizes and meditates on them. And I don't mean she has memorized John 3:16 and Romans 3:23. Jaime has memorized chunks of Scripture that bring her encouragement, instruction and comfort. She's even memorized the entire book of James!!

I asked Jaime why she has chosen to devote so much time to memorize Scripture. Her response? "I can't teach God's Word to my children if I don't know it. I need to know how to respond to them with Bible verses...what God's Word says about things they are struggling with...whether it is conflict & how to resolve it, complaining, lying, being unkind, anger, etc...we are all sinners and we all struggle...God's Word is the ultimate counseling/teaching guide..."All Scripture is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness"...

Jaime sets time aside each morning and each evening for prayer and meditation on the Word. She picks out Scriptures to teach her boys and works on memorizing them with her children or she looks for verses that help her deal with the circumstances of her life.

She says, "God's Word is the instruction manual I use for my life, marriage, parenting, etc...so memorizing God's Word helps me to live my life, obey the Lord, teach my children, encourage my husband, know my role as a wife, help in our struggle with sin, comfort me, etc...If I am struggling I can remember what God's Word says about it...and if I know what God's Word says it helps me to be more discerning...etc..."

When I was going through an incredibly difficult trial in my own life, I was so blessed to know Jaime. I had been the leader of a Bible study for Military Wives at our church that she had been a part of. She came along beside me in prayer and encouragement. She sent me books and a Bible and Scriptures to read and memorize. I learned alot about Jaime during my trial. As the "leader" of such a group I was humbled at how much she taught me about loving God, about truly digging into Him and His Word, about living for Him and with Him and thru Him.

Jaime says, "Reading, memorizing, meditating...all go hand in hand...it is a way of life. The more we study God's Word...the more we love Him and the more we love Him...the more we desire to study His Word and the more we study it...the more we are able to memorize it."

This woman does more than talk the talk. She walks the walk. Don't believe me? You should be lucky enough to be her facebook friend and read the status updates that she posts. They encourage my soul every time. For example... a short time ago, she posted on facebook that her husband had just learned that he may have to deploy rather quickly. In a matter of days, he was on orders to leave. If you're like me, this kind of event can leave you horribly sad and shaken if not angry, panicky, worried, anxious and completely devestated. With three small boys to care for, Jaime faced the deployment with such grace, from the very beginning.

Her first status read: Just found out on Wednesday that Jason will be deploying back to Afghanistan for about 10 months...leaving as early as (XXX DATE)..."The LORD is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him."
Psalm 28:7

I'll  be honest... thanking God is not the first thing I would think to do, even tho God tells us to give thanks in all things.

The following days, she continued to post Scriptures of praise, thankfulness and faith in God. She publicly thanked God for the tools He's given her to face deployment. She was honest about her feelings, sharing that it was hard to watch her husband pack for Afghanistan. She didn't sugar coat what she is going through. She lives in Alaska. She has to learn how to use a snow blower. She has to keep her family warm and fed for a very long winter. But she's optimistic. And hopeful.... because she knows in Whom she trusts.

I don't know about you... but just by looking at Jaime, I'm encouraged to be more like her. I see the benefits of digging into the Word. I see the way it can truly transform our lives if we let It. If knowing and meditating on God's Word can give you the kind of grace this woman has, I WANT IT.

How about you?

Thank you, Jaime for your beautiful, living testimony. You are a blessing beyond the ability I have to express it.

Dear Amy R...

Dear "Amy R",

I received the comment that you left on one of my previous blog entries. Since you only signed your letter "Amy R" and your profile does not give any information about who you are, I can only assume that "Amy R" is a ficticious name.  As I read the vicious remarks that you made about my husband and his past, my heart broke for you. Amy, there is nothing that you can say about my husband's past that I do not already know. My husband's past is just that - it's his past. I'm sorry that you do not know the man that I know- the man who has been saved by grace, the man who glorifies God for redeeming his past and guiding his future. Bob Tabers needs no defense. He fights his own battles. But since you chose to publicly attack him on my blog, I feel the need to share with you, and the rest of my readers, what an amazing, devoted, godly husband and father he is now. It saddens me that you don't know that. But what saddens me more is the bitterness and anger that dripped from your words. Please know that I am praying for you, Amy R, whoever you are. I am praying that God will also redeem your past. I am praying that you will know God as your loving Savior and that you will surrender your heart and your life to Him so that you, too, will know the peace that passes all understanding.

In the future, if you have personal comments that you feel you must make to get off of your chest, feel free to email me at heathertabers@yahoo.com.
God bless you.

Love Over Loss

My 11 year old daughter stood at the kitchen table last night, running her hands over the items that laid there- a picture of me with my daddy who died of cancer 2 years ago, and an issue of the St Louis Post Dispatch from September 11, 2001 that I had saved in my cedar chest the past ten years. She soaked in everything she saw. Then with slight trepidation she asked, “Which is better- to die from cancer or to die from 9/11?”

She was only 15 months old the day those towers fell, and although I have tried to tell her in great detail about both the heartless terrorism and the selfless heroics of all the people directly involved with the events of 9/11, her young mind still hasn’t completely grasped it. I’m glad for that. I’m glad my 11 year old daughter doesn’t understand the needless slaughtering of innocent lives. I'm glad she cannot comprehend the pandamonium of that day or of the heartache that followed.

My husband and I began to explain to her, in honesty, about what it must have been like for the people on the airplanes that crashed into the twin towers. We talked about the fear that people must have felt who chose to jump from a 110 story building to their death to avoid being consumed by fire. We talked about the sadness of being diagnosed with cancer and the comfort and pain that are both experienced as your family stands by your bedside as your body is being eaten alive from the inside out.

Not your typical bedtime story.

It’s not a surprise that I found myself waking up in a stream of tears in the middle of the night. Shaking, I crawled into my sleeping husband’s arms and sobbed in the shelter of his comfort for a few moments as I recalled the dream that had broken my heart. While I do not remember the details of the dream now, I do remember that my dad was dying of cancer and my heart was breaking all over again. As I lay there awake, fighting back the tears, trying to gain control over my thoughts and emotions,  I began thanking God for my husband. I met Bob just 2 months after my father’s death… a constant reminder to me that God both gives and takes away. As I laid there in his arms, I suddenly had a peace wash over me with the reminder that I can always rest in my Father’s arms. Love wins out over Loss every time.

As my sniffling slowed and the gaping wound in my heart began to heal once again, God spoke to me in that dark hour of the night. Love always wins out over Loss. God immediately brought to mind the message I had just heard earlier in the evening from Beth Moore in her “Breaking Free” Bible study. To paraphrase, she said in her beautiful Texas drawl that there is nothing worth holding onto that God hasn’t given you. There’s no pain, no condemnation, no sin, no stronghold, nothing that brings us a false sense of comfort that is greater than the true comfort and peace that our Savior gives us when we lay it all down on the altar of sacrifice. When we lay down those things, it frees our arms (and our hearts) to receive the blessings God is waiting to pour out over us.

The pain of Loss is real, whether it’s the loss of life, the ending of a marriage, the death of a dream, or the loss of things that bring us security like our jobs or our home. It creeps up on us. It wakes us from a deep sleep. It paralyzes us with pain. But we don’t have to hold on to it. We are given a choice, each time our hearts hurt, to lay it back down at the foot of the cross. We have the opportunity to send the Enemy running by praying God’s Scripture into our lives. When we thank Him for our many blessings during the midst of our grief of a loss, the Enemy flees.

As the nation continues to remember and reflect the events of 9/11 this week, I encourage you to come before the presence of God with thanksgiving for the many things He has done in our lives as individuals and in the life of our nation. Send the Enemy packing. Give him no glory in your remembrance. Love wins over Loss every time.

Isaiah 61:1-4 (The Message)
The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me.He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, Announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace— a celebration of God's destruction of our enemies— and to comfort all who mourn, To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit, Rename them "Oaks of Righteousness"
planted by God to display his glory, They'll rebuild the old ruins,
raise a new city out of the wreckage, They'll start over on the ruined cities,
take the rubble left behind and make it new.

The Vortex of the Cone of Uncertainty

A few months ago during tornado season here in the midwest my husband and I watched a weather report in which the meteorologist, in his most serious voice, pointed out on the radar what he referred to as "the vortex of the cone of uncertainty". This phrase caught on and is now used in all kinds of ridiculous ways in our house. We will, most likely, joke about it for years. It's dramatic. It's specifically vague. It's... funny.

But all too often in life we find ourselves in situations that are far from funny. We find ourselves right smack in the middle of something we don't understand. We find ourselves at the "vortex of the cone of uncertainty." Just as if we were sucked up into a funnel cloud of wind, rain and debris, we find our lives spiralling far from our control and into a vacuum that scares us.

We've all been there. Some of us more than others. What we do when we find ourselves there is what matters. Do we loose all faith and panic? Do we suck others into our disaster with us? Do we declare our lives a national disaster and cry to anyone who will listen? Or do we plant our feet on the solid ground and trust our Savior to hold us there?

I'm ashamed to admit that I've done a little of all of the above.

We're all familiar with the passages in the New Testament which remind us that God knows every detail of a sparrow's life and He cares so much more for us. (See Matthew 10:29-32.) We know that not a single thing happens that God is unaware of... that He doesn't have His hand on... that He hasn't allowed to happen in our lives. Yet, in the middle of the storm, we tend to forget that. We get so caught up in the mess that we take our eyes off our Maker.

As military wives, we joke that the only thing certain about the military is the uncertainty. We don't know where we're going to live next yea,r let alone five years from now. We don't know what church we'll go to or where we'll work. We don't know if our husbands will be safe. We don't know if they'll be home for Christmas. We don't know if they'll be home Saturday. And let's face it, lately we haven't even known if they would be getting paid. Our lives are made up of a great deal of uncertainty. But we have a Firm Foundation that we can stand on. We have a Rock which cannot be moved. We have a Savior who died for us. We have a Creator who keeps us in His care. We have a Father who tenderly loves us. We have a King who fights for us. We have a Groom who is coming for us.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of Earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace."

Date Night

I love date night. There's nothing more special to me than dressing up, leaving the kids and the dirty dishes behind, and going out to dinner with my husband. It makes our marriage feel fresh and new and it's as if we fall in love all over again. We put on our best clothes, we go to a nice restaurant, we eat like civilized human beings... it's the opposite of the world of chicken nuggets and blue jeans and cleaning up spills that we live in every day. We give each other our best and we enjoy this precious alone time... together. I love date night. I crave this time. I put it on the calendar and circle it with a big red heart. How much more does God want a date night with each of us? He loves us in our every day world. He still persues us when we've forgotten Him. He still longs for us when we're angry with Him. He still has compassion for us when we cry out to Him. But when is the last time we gave Him our best? When is the last time we set time aside just to lavish our love upon Him? Our King loves us with an unconditional love. So ladies, it's time to fall in love with Jesus all over again.

Hiccups and Snuggles

I absolutely love it when God teaches me things about my relationship with Him through my relationship with my own children. He did just that very thing for me earlier this week. My three year old, Madigan, is one of those little girls that "hits the floor running" every morning. She comes out of her room with a wide, goofy grin on her face every morning and she's a whirlwind of energy from that point on. Gone are the days of rocking her to sleep, holding her on my lap and kissing her chubby cheeks. She's potty trained now. She can get herself dressed. She can feed herself, climb the stairs on her own. From this sad mother's point of view, it's as if she doesn't need me anymore.

But one morning this week, Madigan woke up, ran around the house, ate her breakfast, played with her older brothers and sisters, and announced to me that she wanted to get dressed. As I pulled her clothes out of her drawer, I prepared myself for her usual declaration of "I do it myself, Momma"... but instead, she let me help her. With shirt and shorts on and sandals buckled she climbed up into my lap, but her head on my shoulder, and just snuggled in. I tell you, this momma soaked up every precious second of her tender hugs. Then the sweetest thing happened... she began to hiccup. My heart flooded with the memories of the hiccups she had while I still carried her inside of me. Oh, how I long for those days! How I miss having my baby snuggled right under my heart where she belongs.

As I swayed back and forth with my baby laying against my chest, I heard God gently whisper to my heart, "You are MY child... and I long for the days that you snuggle in next to ME. I miss you when you think you don't need me. But oh how My heart melts when you draw near to me."

The Creator of the universe loves us with the intimate love of a Father. Are you drawing near to Him? Are you snuggled in closely underneath His heart? Can you even fathom how much He yearns for you? It's hard for my mind to accept the fact that my Abba Daddy God loves me... a sinner... even more than I love my own children... but He does. Draw near to Him. Let Him hold you. Bless the heart of your Creator with your hiccups and snuggles.

The Intruder

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
John 10:10 ESV

For months, I saw the shadows. Something was looming in the darkness, just out of sight, yet within the distance that a soul knows it is not alone. I tried not to think about it, hoping it would go away. Yet the feeling of being followed, stalked, haunted did not leave me.

Then it happened. I stood in my kitchen, preparing the evening meal for my family when I spun around to find myself nose to nose with the gun. I knew immediately that the shadows I had ignored were that of this intruder. In a matter of seconds my mind reeled with every thought and my heart flooded with every emotion. I feared for my safety. I felt protective over my children. I was angry with myself for not stopping the intruder from entering. I felt guilty for not being more proactive in guarding my home. I wondered if my words or actions had lured this perpetrator into our home.

My eyes scanned the room for an exit. My fingers scurried across the counter top trying to find something to use as a weapon. But my feet did not move. They couldn’t. Fear bolted them to the ground and no amount of inner coaxing could make them move. I grimaced as the enemy gripped the gun tighter, placing his finger on the trigger. I steadied myself as I expected the shot to be fired, but instead the enemy merely whispered, “Boom!”

He looked me in the eyes, laughed his evil, meniacal laugh, turned and quickly vanished into the darkness. For weeks, this intruder reappeared, disrupting the joy and comfort of our home. Taunting me. Mocking me. Shouting at me. Threatening me. Scaring my children. I crumbled in fear every time he returned. He slipped past my security alarm. He danced around the floodlights that were posted around the perimeter of our home. I shut our curtains and turned off our lights, but I knew he could still see me. He seemed to loom in corners that I didn’t even know existed. At the very moments I began to feel safe, he reappeared to throw me back into an existance of sheer panic.

I began to question my own sanity as the intruder came back time and time again. I became overwhelmed with wondering when he would return. I almost wished he would just pull the trigger so this nightmare would be over. I stopped looking out my windows to enjoy the sunshine and instead was searching for signs of his next visit. The places in my heart that were once full of love and anticipation were replaced with fear and anxiety. How could I continue living this way? Sure, I could move out. I could run away. But this house was a gift from my father and I had absolutely no desire to let such a deranged attacker take this most precious gift from me.

After one terrifying attack, I knew what I needed to do. I prayed for the strength to do what needed to be done. I watched and I waited. And when the enemy returned, I remained calm. I looked him in the eye and I told him that I wasn’t afraid. The enemy threw up his hands and he left. The next time he returned, looking meaner and madder than ever, I told him that I had been expecting him and I asked him to leave. The following visit I asked him if he would like some lunch. With each visit, he lost power.

I must warn you that the intruder is still on the loose. He still shows up at my house and while I never invite him in, I don’t let him trap me with fear anymore. But unfortunately, I am not his only victim. The enemy is not a man, but is Satan himself. And he haunts us through the shadows of PTSD as he breaks into the homes of our marriages. Homes given to us from our Father. The enemy is not your warrior husband. It’s not even the war that he fought which came home with him. The enemy is Satan. And PTSD is his weapon of choice.
But God promises His children in Isaiah 54:17 that no weapon formed against us will prevail. So when the gun is pointed at you, there’s no need to fear. God alone has all authority in heaven and on earth. As His children, we have that power in us. And when we claim that power in His name, there is nothing the enemy can do to bring us down.
PTSD is real. It’s destructive. It’s paralyzing. It’s marriage ending. It’s life altering. It’s heart breaking. It’s all consuming. It’s terrifying. But it doesn’t have to be. If your husband has PTSD, seek help. Don’t let the enemy cast fear and destruction into your home a minute longer. You cannot stop him from intruding. But you CAN change your response to him, rendering him disabled in his plot to steal and destroy. Find a Battle Buddy that will help you draw upon God’s power so that you can have life and have it abundantly.